We Ranted recently on the valiant struggle of the rabid right-wing Christian Conservatives against those E-ville, diabolical and, lest we forget, fictitious folks who are out to ruin Christmas. In case you're interested in keeping up with the story, a bunch of smart webfolk have been keeping careful track of this bullshit campaign.

For instance, Ed Brayton lets everybody know that Bill O'Reilly is a fucking liar, which shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone with functioning ears or closed captioning. Not only is O'Reilly constantly making shit up to complain about in the Fight to Save Christmas, but his slavish herd of fanatics put so much pressure on one school district based on false accusations that the school surrendered and altered a copyrighted stage play just to avoid having to explain to idiots that "Cold in the Night" — sung to the tune of "Silent Night" — was not an effort to destroy Christmas. (For the record, the song was written for the play in which it appears way back in 1988, and the play itself revolves around the story of a little Christmas tree. To repeat: the show is about a cute little Christmas tree. How much less offensive to Christmas can you get?)

To keep track of O'Reilly and all the other fucking Christmasturbatory caterwauling, Media Matters has devoted an entire page to providing links to similar stories, and debunking this bullshit as each lump hits the fan. And the poor ACLU, which takes most of the flak from these fucking Christmasochists, has made it plain and clear that they are not interested in destroying Christmas, and that these rosy pink Christmastoids are all lying out of their asses.

But our favorite response to this charade of a Christian persecution complex has been the aptly named Fuck Christmas.org (thanks to Ford for the link). Here's just a sample of this outstanding Rant:

Can we back up just a couple steps here? At what point did a basic understanding of the separation of church and state become a fucking war on religion? And how did we get to the point where you can call an organization set up to defend our civil liberties "Terrorists" on national television and no one fires your ass? Enough. Fuck all of you lying little shitheads who wish the world was out to get you so you could play the poor oppressed victims. Wake up assholes — you're the cowboys, not the fucking Indians.

"But we want to display our Christmas tree on city property!" You can, go right ahead. "They're stopping us from praying in school!" They're not, so fuck off. "We're not allowed to say 'Merry Christmas' anymore!" Are you fucking kidding me? Knock yourself out. Say it at work, scream it in your high school lunch room, hell, tattoo it on your fucking forehead for all we care. Guess who's gonna be there defending your right to do every one of those things? The fucking ACLU. One of these days you bastards are going to drive those fuckers out of business, and then you'll see some actual attacks on your religious liberties. I thought conservatives were supposed to be all proud and independent? When did they turn into a bunch of fucking crybabies?

In a way, this persecution complex is understandable. The entire Christian religion is based on the teaching that a guy who was mercilessly and unfairly persecuted was not just the coolest guy around, but literally the son of God. So fundamentalist Christians feel driven by an insatiable desire to play the victim to prove just how Christian and Godly they are. Never mind that they have to break several of the Ten Commandments in order to do it — come on, why follow a bunch of silly rules in an old book when you're trying to prove that everyone's out to get you because of your slavish devotion to the infallible truth of that very same old book? That would just be silly. Wouldn't it?

Early christians had an unfortunate habit of being desperate...just DESPERATE...to be martyred. They'd flock to places who were torching the saved and offer themselves up as kindling. To some extent, I think many fundamentalists would have a tough choice to make between persecuting others (fun) and being persecuted themselves (heartwarming).

Why choose? They seem to be doing fine taking both routes simultaneously.

On another note...Ed? Ed who once dated an aromatherapist and who now flies into a rage at the merest scent of lavender oil? If that's you, welcome back! If not...um...then just welcome!