« The Coolest Biologist in Journalism • The Rants • The Award for Biggest Idiot of Thanksgiving Goes To... »
The Season of Giving Us a Headache
2005.11.25 (Fri) 11:44
We just had to react to the annual bullshit outcry over the liberal attacks on Christmas — the Religious Right's valiant struggle against fictitious adversity. Take, for example, this quote from a Scripps Howard News Service article:
"It's a sad day in America when you have to retain an attorney to say 'Merry Christmas,' " said Mike Johnson, an Alliance Defense Fund attorney in Louisiana who will push the Christmas cause.
See, here's the problem, you fucking oblivious idiot: that's not what's going on in reality. You're free to say "Merry Christmas" as much as your little Christian heart desires. Say it to everyone you meet, shout it once a day in a booming voice that echoes throughout your office, deliberately approach burka-sporting Muslims and wish them a Merry Christmas — heck, you can even do it on the 364 (or 365) days a year when it isn't Christmas. That's what free speech is all about, moron. Even if what you're saying makes people think you're an asshole, you're free to say it — nobody's stopping you.
For the same reasons, privately owned businesses (such as department stores) are free to not scrawl "Merry Christmas" all over the fucking place if they feel that such is not the best way to deal with their broad and ethnically diverse consumer base. Similarly, the owners or managers of any privately owned business that likes to put up manger scenes or bloody Christs on crosses are also perfectly within their rights to do so. We personally have our doubts as to the marketing savvy of such folks, but it's entirely up to them. See, they get to do what they want, just like you get to do what you want. See how that works? It's kind of the point of a free democratic republic.
And then, in order to ensure the individual freedoms laid out above, the government — not individual government employees, but the government itself as an entity — is not free to endorse or prohibit any expression of religious sentiment by any legislative, judicial, or executive means. Again, this is very simple — if the government was able to endorse or prohibit individual expressions of relgious sentiment, then all the little people we talked about above wouldn't be free to say "Merry Christmas" on their own time.
This is all pretty fucking basic First Amendment stuff. Seriously, why the fuck are these folks so completely blind to law, logic and reason?
The answer is, of course, that they have cultivated a false sense of entitlement. The government has given these moronic zealots so many little perks and advantages over the last century or so — like affirming their religion in public school recitations, or in public buildings, or on our coins and bills — that if even one of these blatantly unconstitutional perks is taken away to correct a past mistake and level the playing field for people of all persuasions, these greedy fucks are offended and start crying discrimination. But it isn't the removal of the government endorsement of religion that is the discriminatory act here; it is having it there in the first place.
So, what do the Jesus Warriors have in mind this year to combat their fictitious enemies?
[Evangelical Christian pastor Jerry Falwell] has put the power of his 24,000-member congregation behind the "Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign," an effort led by the conservative legal organization Liberty Counsel. The group promises to file suit against anyone who spreads what it sees as misinformation about how Christmas can be celebrated in schools and public spaces.
Jesus Christ on rye, hold the mayo! Can't these people see the blatant contradiction in this statement? They are threatening to sue anyone who spreads misinformation, while they themselves are the ones spreading bullshit! Add to this the fact that "spreading misinformation" about a holiday isn't even remotely legitimate grounds for a lawsuit, and it's clear that Falwell and the Liberty Counsel are a bunch of hateful idiots.
What else do these mental midgets have up their very short sleeves?
An additional 800 attorneys from another conservative legal group, the Alliance Defense Fund, are standing by as part of a similar effort, the Christmas Project. Its slogan: "Merry Christmas. It's OK to say it."
Um, yeah, it is okay to say it. Rock on, you zany Alliance Defense Fund blokes. Does this mean that you'll pack up your little Christian Soldier pup tents and go enjoy the holiday with your friends and family so we can all do the same? Not bloody likely, so long as there's a pretend enemy to rail against.
And how will the "Friend or Foe" approach to celebrating the joyous holiday season work?
Friends, according to "Friend or Foe" campaign sponsor Liberty Counsel, "do not discriminate against Christmas." Foes are going to get a letter from one of the pro bono lawyers reminding them that "Christmas is constitutional," not to mention a federal holiday.
"We'll try to educate," said Mat Staver, president of Liberty Counsel. "But if we can't, we'll litigate."
Apparently they'll also equivocate, exaggerate, fabricate, and prevaricate. Sorry, we were previously unaware that Mat Staver was the "Dr. Seuss" of hateful religious loons.
Hey, we like Christmas. Seriously. And quite frankly, these religious asshats are ruining the season, and they're doing it in what we can only assume is a push to whip the mindless Christian sheep into a lather in order to swell their own holiday coffers.
Don't these people see how selfish they're being? Don't they see how their actions run counter to the Constitution that protects their rights just as much as everyone else's? Don't they see that there is no war against Christmas except the one that they are waging? No, of course they don't — without Christmas lights blazing on every single standing structure in the nation, it's just not bright enough for them to see.
— • —
[ Filed under: % Civil Liberties % Religion ]
Comments (14)
Fan-man, 2005.11.27 (Sun) 00:38 [Link] »
DOGONIT, 2005.11.29 (Tue) 03:29 [Link] »
MBains, 2005.11.29 (Tue) 16:09 [Link] »
DOGONIT, 2005.11.29 (Tue) 17:29 [Link] »
Rockstar Ryan, 2005.11.29 (Tue) 17:49 [Link] »
Ebonmuse, 2005.11.30 (Wed) 02:22 [Link] »
The Two Percent Company, 2005.11.30 (Wed) 19:48 [Link] »
DOGONIT, 2005.11.30 (Wed) 23:13 [Link] »
The Two Percent Company, 2005.12.01 (Thu) 00:13 [Link] »
DOGONIT, 2005.12.01 (Thu) 00:37 [Link] »
DOGONIT, 2005.12.01 (Thu) 01:00 [Link] »
Uber, 2005.12.01 (Thu) 11:25 [Link] »
Rockstar Ryan, 2005.12.02 (Fri) 11:21 [Link] »
DOGONIT, 2005.12.02 (Fri) 12:19 [Link] »
— • —
|