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« Proof Is a Four-Letter Word (Can You Prove It's Not?) The RantsAFP Misreports the Point »

The End of an Error
2009.01.20 (Tue) 15:58

A little over four years ago, we launched the Two Percent Company. We did so in order to confront a host of disturbing trends that seemed — to us, anyway — to be sweeping like a wave of rampant asshattery across our nation.

To be honest, the impetus had more to do with our growing realizations than with the actual events unfolding. We had only semi-recently learned that there really are people who doubt the veracity of evolutionary theory, and who want to teach silly bible stories in public schools, and we discovered that somewhere between 50% and 90% (depending upon the form of idiocy) of the people we share the planet with harbor the ludicrous, asinine beliefs that we'd abandoned as the make-believe shit they are way back in grade school (or never bought into for even an instant)...but these trends had apparently been rolling along for quite some time, despite our being unaware of them. Beyond our forehead-smacking enlightenment regarding the abundant existence of morons in the world, however, there was one actual event that lined up quite precisely with the creation and launch of our site, and it was no coincidence: the re-election of George W. Bush.

Prior to Dubya's first election (if you can call it that), our involvement in politics was about as minimal as it gets. We were certainly aware of what was going on, but we were too busy with our lives to care much. In 2000, we weren't big fans of Gore or Bush — we either voted for the "more science-y guy" (you get two guesses, and neither counts until you stop fucking around and just say "Gore!") or sat that one out (like it matters who you vote for in an election decided by judicial committee). Over the next four years, though, we realized what inaction could mean as we watched Bush's administration piss all over the aspects of our country that are most important to us — you know, piddling stuff like civil liberties, economic stability, education, and scientific progress.

By the time the 2004 campaign rolled around, we'd had quite enough. Despite a passionate ambivalence toward John Kerry, we steadfastly supported that "Not Bush" ticket, and dove into the issues so that we could counter bullshit arguments from people whose views just didn't ring true to us, whether due to a lack of evidence, logic, consistency, fairness, compassion, or — frequently — all of the above.

In the end, Bush won re-election (perhaps even legitimately), and we were so fucking pissed off that we didn't know what to do with ourselves. Despite what seemed to us like an obvious choice between an incompetent ass (who'd royally fucked up the nation) and a semi-competent schlub (who, well, hadn't), approximately half of the country voted for the incompetent ass. What could we do?

Our decision was pretty basic: instead of continuing to bitch privately within our group of friends, we would bitch publicly for all the world to see. Our bitching had always been accompanied by a high level of research and analysis, so backing up our rants wouldn't be difficult. And hence the Two Percent Company was born.

Right from the start, Bush's influence on us was evident. Our second post ever (the first was our obligatory introductory post, written only hours earlier) was about the need to combat Dubya's abuses of the Constitution. Over the years, we wrote about federal funding of harmful abstinence-only sex education, federally funded bribes to get the media to back administration policies, the silly beliefs of the Bush family, and their open dislike of atheists, his horrifically inappropriate appointments, his restrictions of civil liberties, his intrusion into the personal lives of others, his social ineptitude, and his general incompetence.

So, in a way, we owe Dubya a debt of gratitude for getting us started. He wasn't the only reason we launched our site, but he was the proverbial straw that got uncomfortably shoved up the camel's ass.

And now, as of mere hours ago, President Dipshit is no longer President of the United States. Today he goes back to being a regular guy — just Joe Dipshit, so to speak. Well, Joe Dipshit with scads of money and Secret Service protection, but you get the idea.

The man has delivered speech after speech declaring that history will remember him fondly; that time and reflection will paint his words and deeds and decisions in a new light, and the world will see just how effective and successful he really was. Does anyone really believe that? First off, it's pretty rare that a despised public figure is "redeemed" a few generations down the road; more often, the noble heroes are proven to have feet of clay (which just means they're human).

But more importantly, to the former President, settling into his new life, we would humbly offer the following:

Go fuck yourself, you ignorant, incompetent fuckhole. The damage you've done to this country will take generations to repair. You have left a legacy of lies, corruption, debt, death, and oppression, and that is what you will be remembered for, in perpetuity, for as long as you are remembered at all. So long, you malignant fucking cockhammer, and fuck you.

And to President Obama, we say:

We're glad you're here — but we aren't in love with you, as some people seem to be. We've seen some of your shortcomings, and before too long, we'll surely see more.

Still: we're counting on you. See, even though anyone is a step up after Dubya (well, almost anyone), it will take an exceptional person to even start to clean up the shitbox he's left behind. And we believe that, whatever your shortcomings, you certainly qualify as an exceptional person — a refreshing change after eight years of the bottom of the barrel.

We don't expect miracles — and we hope that most average Americans don't, though we suspect otherwise.

We don't expect the road to be short — and we have a sense that most average Americans understand that pretty well, though we could be wrong.

But what we do expect is progress. Steps taken to get us back on track. Advancement to becoming a nation, and a world, based on liberty, honesty, and reality.

In short: don't let us down. Show us what you've got.

President Barack Hussein Obama has some hard work ahead of him — and, judging by his demeanor and words, he realizes this. We'll watch and react, and see what he can accomplish in the next four years.

Obama Sweeps Up
The clean-up has just begun...

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[  Filed under: % Bush Watch  % Civil Liberties  % Government & Politics  % Two Percent Toons  ]

TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.twopercentco.com/rants/tpc-trkbk.cgi/465

Comments (13)

John Morales, 2009.01.20 (Tue) 20:56 [Link] »

Good post, great cartoon!

Ford, 2009.01.20 (Tue) 23:00 [Link] »

I can think of a few of Obama's shortcomings, but I want to see what you think his shortcomings are. It would just be interesting. Is it all of the common stuff, or do you guys have your own unique observations?

Jason Spicer, 2009.01.21 (Wed) 01:29 [Link] »

If ever there were a president that deserved to be fired after his first term, Bush was that guy. I'm eternally baffled by the 2004 election. It shouldn't have even been close. I guess some people just needed four more years of proof. I mean, I like to give folks the benefit of the doubt, but c'mon. There's a reason we have elections. And it's not to re-elect the Commander-in-Chief merely because he's already the Commander-in-Chief.

The Two Percent Company, 2009.01.25 (Sun) 14:07 [Link] »

We can't say we've noticed anything overly specific as far as Obama's shortcomings. Just the usual suspects — we don't like his religious leanings (they're far less overt than some others, we know, but it's still a strike against him to us), and we don't like his inane lack of support for allowing homosexuals to get "married," (yes, he supports full-rights civil unions, but that makes the line he's drawing all the more maddening, as we've discussed before — and don't get us started on our opinion if he was just pandering to get votes on that one).

Regarding the biggest issue we have with him thus far — his religious leanings — we'll admit that the way over-the-top religious presence in a ceremony for the transition of leadership of a secular country doesn't thrill us. (Just how many people had to call upon their imaginary friend, exactly? And that fucking clergyman at the beginning was way out of line with his bullshit. We do not owe jack shit to Jesus, buddy.) Comparing Obama's inauguration favorably to the ludicrously Christian (and even more non-inclusive) inaugurations of other presidents, while perhaps true, doesn't help much — this is a secular country, our Constitution is very clear about it, and the fact that the religious aspects of inaugurations are anything more than peripheral events solely among those who believe in the man's religion is a bit disturbing. No, we don't think presidents should be barred from including religion in inaugural ceremonies, any more than we would think that Jews should be barred from bringing kosher lunches to work — but if said Jews work at a shoe factory, then shoes come before kashrut, and if your inauguration installs you as president of a secular country, then the needs of your secular government come before your personal religion, as well. As usual, it's about pushing this shit in where it doesn't belong; we aren't saying that they can't have an inauguration that mentions their specific interests and qualities, including religion, but we do wish they'd voluntarily cut down on the glorification — and the utterly inaccurate assignment of Jesus Happy-Hopping Christ as the personal superhero of our secular country.

We could probably point to a few other things he's said and done that we don't think we agree with, but we'd hesitate to call any of them shortcomings. We just don't have a full picture yet — and frankly, we're happy to wait and see how his presidency plays out.

As far as his strengths, he's clearly an intelligent man (which should be a prerequisite for his office, but clearly that hasn't been the case). He also seems to "get it" when it comes to the debate between science and religion (his agenda on the White House website seems to spell this out). We especially like the following:

Restore Scientific Integrity to the White House: Restore the basic principle that government decisions should be based on the best-available, scientifically-valid evidence and not on ideological predispositions.

Of course, saying something and actually doing it are two very different things, and politicians are notorious — for good reason — for ignoring their campaign promises. In the end, time will tell if Obama is paying lip service to his religious beliefs...or to his professed ability to set those beliefs aside in order to make rational decisions.

What have you seen that makes you worry?

Ford, 2009.01.26 (Mon) 23:03 [Link] »

Just pretty much what you listed, but it doesn't bother me too much. It's fucked up that that is the kind of world we live in, but honestly, at this point, Obama was the best person that would even be able to make it to office. His shortcomings just seem to be a given for any candidate that would ever have a snowball's chance in hell at becoming president.

Steve, 2009.07.13 (Mon) 13:17 [Link] »

What a bunch of left wing, asshole pussies. Wah wah wah - Bush was so bad, Obama is the new Messiah (oops, did I make a reference to religeon? My bad!) I, like many Americans, are so sick to death of your liberal whining and glorofication of political weenies like the ACLU. How is that hopey-changey thing working out for you? You guys are destroying our country. Jerks.

Steve, 2009.07.13 (Mon) 13:38 [Link] »

What I see here, so much like other left wing websites, is a total lack of respect for anyone who does not believe exacty what you believe. I believe in God, so I have an imaginary friend. My lack of suport for gay marriage is "inane". While I respect your beliefs and statements, I have no doubt that you will try to rip me a new a-hole for telling you what I believe. I posted an earlier comment that you haven't even had the balls to post. Always has to be your way or no way, doesn't it?

Bronze Dog, 2009.07.13 (Mon) 15:57 [Link] »

You do realize that most of the skeptical blogosphere has generally seen Obama as a compromise from the start, right? (To date, I've never met anyone who bought into the messianic vision) He's not a messiah to us, and quite frankly, I tended to give incredulous looks when people got up to that level of excitement about Obama.

As for the "respect" thing, wah, wah, what are you going to do, sic the PC Police on us?

Gods are fictional entities, unless you care to provide a scientific hypothesis for them and evidence that fulfills that hypothesis's predictions. Until you can do that, I don't see any reason to respect your opinion on the matter any more than the pot-smoking newage (rhymes with sewage) hippies trying to tell me the wonders of The Secret or acupuncture.

As for the gay marriage thing: Would you treat someone with respect if they believed their religion requires them to ban free speech? Would you respect someone who believes their religion requires slavery?

Oh, and it's clever of you to assume that just because your first comment didn't show up on refresh that the 2% Company censored it. Given the slow pace, I doubt they're even aware of your existence at this point.

Oh, and I'm not ripping you a new one for expressing your beliefs: I'm ripping you a new one because your beliefs and the petty attempts to distract from the issues with "respect" (hilarious coming from your end, btw) are stupid.

So, how about you stop being a wuss about irrelevant red herrings like "respect" and try presenting bad things the ACLU did or reasons against gay marriage.

Bronze Dog, 2009.07.13 (Mon) 16:02 [Link] »

Apologies: I was thinking about an ACLU thread, and mistook this one for that one when I typed.

Of course, "respect" remains a rather idiotic red herring the PC Police love. Overall, I expected Obama to be an average president, and so far, I think I'm about right. Any contribution I had to the hoopla was mostly, "Yay! Bush is gone and his clone isn't being elected!"

The Two Percent Company, 2009.07.13 (Mon) 19:58 [Link] »

Nice reading comprehension, fuckface. And now a word from your hosts.

One: Bush was so bad, kid. He fucked the country, he fucked anybody who wasn't in highly specific special interest groups, he fucked the world at large (international relations were practically set back decades by that fuckwad), he started pointless and unwinnable wars while ignoring actual issues and dangers that needed to be addressed, and he pretended that his personal relationship with an imaginary sky daddy was more important than the civil liberties of people in general. So either explain to us how our view is wrong (we've written about our views of Bush in detail on this site, none of which you've bothered to read, it seems), or piss off.

Two: Yes, we are clearly in the "Obama is the Messiah" camp, as evidenced by this very post where we say things to Obama like "we aren't in love with you, as some people seem to be. We've seen some of your shortcomings, and before too long, we'll surely see more." And with statements like "We don't expect miracles" and "time will tell," how could anyone doubt that we want to suck the man's cock? Fuck, couldn't you even bother to read this one fucking piece that you commented on before you commented on it? You handily characterize our least favorite affront to humanity in full force: arrogant ignorance. In short, you're a douche.

Three: No, we won't rip you a new one for telling us what you believe, pea-brain. We will, however, rip you a new one because you (inaccurately) told us what we believe, you phenomenal cockhammer, and you did it in a remarkably asshole fashion. People are free (and welcome) to disagree with us. Fuck, we want people to argue alternative views here. It's only when someone acts like an asshole that we treat them like one. If you came here and left a comment that showed that you read our post(s), understood them, disagreed with them, and had valid, intelligent arguments to counter them, we would gladly engage in a civil discussion with you. Instead, you showed that you didn't read anything we fucking wrote, that you didn't understand our actual views, and that you had no valid arguments at all to present. And we're supposed to not treat you like an asshole...why?

Four: Your lack of support for gay marriage isn't "inane," it's bigoted and, frankly, it's wrong. Full stop. People who oppose gay marriage (and gay rights in general) will someday be looked back on in the same way we look at every other class of bigots, from racists to misogynists because, quite literally, that's all they are. You just don't realize it yet. Your kids (we shudder at the thought) might. Your grandchildren almost certainly will. Congratulations!

Five: Yes, the failure to post your comment for approximately one hour is clearly because we fear your raw intellect and the awesome power of your arguments. Or — and we're just spitballing here — it could be that we have a fucking comment whitelist to prevent spam, and we aren't sitting in front of our computers 24/7 to immediately approve everyone who gets held up by the filter. Get the fuck over yourself, shit-for-brains. Welcome to the Internet. Been here five minutes or so? Fuck.

So exactly what's the question here? We certainly aren't "liberals." We certainly didn't buy into the "hopey-changey" thing. We certainly are not and were not ever people who worshipped Obama. Did you have any single fucking valid point...?

What a complete asshat.

Jason Spicer, 2009.07.19 (Sun) 01:57 [Link] »

Aw, I've missed you guys.

Actually, even if Obama were the messiah, the sausage machine of politics would prevent or pervert most miracles. If our sacred text, The Life of Brian, teaches us anything, it's that being a messiah ain't all it's cracked up to be.

BTW, I follow the gourd. All you sandal-worshippers can go suck it.

TimmyAnn, 2009.07.19 (Sun) 22:29 [Link] »

I belong to The People's Front of Judea...or is it The Judean People's Front...wait...

Ronny, 2010.02.06 (Sat) 12:56 [Link] »

Oh my go^d ......ness!! anyone with 2 1/2 brain cells could see from the start that Bush was incompetent, Obama is no messiah but even daffy duck is better than Bush.

Will Obama get it right, I hope so, and I hope he can do something positive that lasts longer than a term or two, the thing that sickens me is the failure of government to get it right and make is last.

I don't care what form of government or what form of economy, just make it work well and last long.

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