An acquaintance of ours recently underwent some major surgery, and came out of the hospital with some interesting advice from her doctor: she was told she should be taking something called Arnica Montana for her pain. "It's homeopathic!" she declared proudly. We explained patiently that "homeopathic" simply means that she's taking a big fat placebo with barely even a trace amount of A. montana — which is, as it turns out, a good thing, since substantial amounts of the "unprepared" plant are highly toxic and often fatal. How do you "prepare" the plant for ingestion, you ask? Simple; just dilute it to the point where there is essentially none of it left in your water solution. That's what a phrase like "Arnica Montana 30X" suggests; as the Disgruntled Chemist explains, the X stands for "10," and the 30 means how many times they've reduced the amount of A. montana in the mix to 10% of its previous amount — that's cumulative folks, which means that "30X" of the Arnica is 0.0000000000000000000000000001% of what you started with. Still think it'll have any effect whatsoever? Try eating 0.0000000000000000000000000001% of each meal you sit down for over the next few days, and get back to us...er, crawl limply back to us and let us know how well you're doing.

The bottom line: it's just fucking water. You can check the numbers yourself if you don't mind doing some simple calculations involving Avogadro's number — there's simply nothing of the original substance left in dilutions this extreme.

Homeopathy just doesn't work. Not even remotely. James Randi has mentioned Arnica Montana on more than one occasion, pointing out the futility of homeopathy in general. The sad part is, we can explain all this stuff, provide as many links as we want, and our acquaintance — a very, very intelligent woman in many respects — won't stop believing in the efficacy of her precious Arnica Montana. Evidence and logic are no match for a good, strong placebo effect.

But just for our own amusement, we did a bit of Googling for "Arnica Montana," and we came up with perhaps the (unintentionally) funniest web page we've ever seen. This page of the "Homeopathic Materia Medica" must be seen to be believed, but in short: it's a list of "symptoms" that might indicate a need for homeopathic Arnica Montana. Apparently, we all need some!

The following are the strongest indications of Arnica Montana for its use in homeopathy.

Okay, are you ready? Here we go...

(To make it a little easier to read, we've formatted their practically illegible ramblings into bulleted lists. It still isn't particularly legible, but it's at least a minor improvement.)

MIND

• mind; delusions, imaginations, hallucinations, illusions; about self; circumstances; thinks is well;
• emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition; irritability; sends doctor home, says is not sick;
• emotions, feelings, attitude, disposition; mildness;
• insecure, uncertain, scared; fear; of others approaching;
• insecure, uncertain, scared; fear; of others approaching; in case touched by them;
• memory; forgetful; of words while speaking;
• talking, conversation; obstinate; declares there is nothing the matter with him;
• talking, conversation; says is well, when very sick;
• unconsciousness; during fever; ;

So, if you think you're okay...you might need Arnica Montana. If you have mild emotions, feelings, or attitudes (whatever that means)...you might need Arnica Montana. If you're worried about others approaching and touching you...you might need Arnica Montana. If you...uh...forget words while speaking...you might need Arnica Montana.

HEAD

• head; brain; concussion of brain;
• congestion (see pulsation);
• expanded sensation (see swollen); enlarged sensation;
• hot; during chill; ;
• hot; with coldness of body;
• after injuries of the ;
• pain, headache; with high or low temperature; headache during the heat; ;
• pain, headache; in fore;
• pain, headache; back of head (occiput); ;
• pain, headache; burning; body cold; ;
• pain, headache; pulling; back of head (occiput); ;
• sensitive; from brushing hair;

Concussion? You might need Arnica Montana. Congestion? Well, you could try some antihistamines, but you might need Arnica Montana. Big head? Hey, you might need Arnica Montana. Is your body cold, but your head is hot? That's usually an indication that you might need Arnica Montana (or that you're a McDLT). Now, if you have a headache located in the front of your head, then you might need Arnica Montana. If, on the other hand, the headache is located in the back of the head, then we'd say that you might need Arnica Montana. If you often cry after brushing your hair, hey, you might need some Arnica Montana.

EYE

• eye; bruise;
• inflammation;
• inflammation; foreign bodies;
• inflammation; wounds; iris; ;
• pain; from a blow; ;
• pupils; insensitive to light;

Basically, if there's anything wrong with your eye, you might need Arnica Montana.

HEARING

• hearing; impaired; from concussion; ;

Of course, if you have a concussion, you already needed Arnica Montana, so why wait for the hearing loss?

NOSE

• nose; nose bleed;
• nose bleed; from being hit; ;
• nose bleed; from blowing the ;
• nose bleed; with cough; whooping cough;
• nose bleed; from exertion; ;
• nose bleed; during fever; typhoid;
• nose bleed; from washing face; ;
• swelling;
• tingling; inside; ;

If your nose ever bleeds at any time for any reason, you might need Arnica Montana. Apparently, this extends to being hit, as well as to injuries sustained while performing fellatio (though perhaps not to injuries resulting from overzealous felching). Also, if you happen to contract typhoid fever or whooping cough, you might need Arnica Montana.

FACE

• face; heat; during chill; ;
• heat; with cold elsewhere; hands; ;
• skin; discoloration; red; while shivering; ;

If it's cold somewhere in the world, and your face is hot, you might need Arnica Montana. Yes, that includes your hands. If...something about your skin, and redness and shivering...whatever, you might need Arnica Montana.

MOUTH

• mouth; bleeding; gums; profuse bleeding after extraction of teeth;
• odour (halitosis, bad breath); offensive;
• odour (halitosis, bad breath); putrid;
• taste; like rotten eggs;
• taste; like rotten eggs; morning; ;
• taste; putrid; in intermittent fever;
• teeth; pain; from concussion; ;
• teeth; pain; after a filling; ;

If the dentist yanks some of your teeth, and against all odds, your gums actually bleed afterwards, you might need Arnica Montana. If you have bad breath that is classified as "offensive," you might need Arnica Montana. If you have bad breath that is classified as "putrid," you might need Arnica Montana. If, on the other hand, you have bad breath that can be classified as "pleasant," then we don't know what to do with you. Maybe some Arnica Montana could fix that up for you...? If your mouth tastes like rotten eggs (assuming you don't actually have a rotten egg in your mouth), you might need Arnica Montana. Unless, of course, this happens in the morning, in which case, you might need Arnica Montana in new Fresh Burst Mint™! Oh, and back to the dentist bit — if you get a filling, and find that your teeth hurt afterwards, you might need Arnica Montana.

ABDOMEN

• abdomen; pain; sore, bruised, tenderness, etc.;
• pain; sore, bruised, tenderness, etc.; groin region; ;
• bladder; retention of urine (see urination delayed);
• bladder; retention of urine (see urination delayed); after exertion; ;
• bladder; spasm; cervix; ;
• bladder; urging to urinate (unhealthy desire); frequent (see urination, frequent);
• bladder; urging to urinate (unhealthy desire); ineffectual;
• bladder; urging to urinate (unhealthy desire); sudden; must hasten to urinate, or urine will escape;
• bladder; urination; dribbling (by drops); involuntary;
• bladder; urination; feeble stream (slow);
• bladder; urination; involuntary, incontinence; night, bed wetting; ;
• bladder; urination; delayed, difficult; must wait for urine to start;
• kidneys; suppression of urine;
• stomach; burping, belching;
• stomach; burping, belching; bitter;
• stomach; burping, belching; like rotten eggs;
• stomach; burping, belching; like rotten eggs; morning; on rising; ;
• stomach; burping, belching; empty;
• stomach; burping, belching; foul;
• stomach; pain; sore, bruised, beaten (tenderness);
• stomach; thirst; during chill; ;
• stomach; thirst; while perspiring; ;
• stomach; vomiting; blood;

Here's where we get somewhat less specific. Pain in the groin? Twitchy cervix? Not urinating enough? Urinating too much? Urinating in drops or feeble streams? Urinating uncontrollably? Hey, you might need some Arnica Montana. If you ever experience any kind of belching, you might need some Arnica Montana. If you find that you are thirsty while sweating (what could cause that?), you might need some Arnica Montana. If you are vomiting blood...well, we recommend that you call a doctor...right after you take some Arnica Montana.

RECTUM

• rectum; flatulence;
• flatulence; offensive;
• flatulence; offensive; rotten eggs;
• involuntary stool;

Again with the rotten eggs? Okay, if you pass gas that isn't classified as "potpourri," you might need Arnica Montana. If this moves on to the next step, and you actually shit yourself, remember, it's not too late for Arnica Montana (and Emergency Pants).

STOOL

• stool; containing pus;

We're not sure why this isn't grouped with the stool-related issue above, but if your stool contains pus, we just hope it wasn't involuntary. Either way, you might need Arnica Montana.

URINE

• urine; strong and sharp (acrid);
• bloody;
• colour; brown;
• odour; offensive;
• sediment; containing pus (see bladder, catarrh and inflammation);
• sediment; sand; red (brick-dust);
• urine heavier than usual;

If you've got strong, sharp, bloody, brown, smelly, sedimentary, brick-red, sandy, or heavy urine...then get the fuck away from us. And go get some Arnica Montana, stat!

GENITALS

• genitals; male; inflammation; testes; ;
• male; inflammation; testes; from bruising; ;
• male; pain; aching;
• male; swelling;
• male; swelling; penis; ;
• female; pain; pains after giving birth; ;
• female; pain; sore, tenderness; ovaries; walking;
• female; pain; sore, tenderness; womb; ;

If you have an erection for any reason, you might need Arnica Montana. Penile or testicular pain? Many people will seek medical assistance from a "doctor," but those in the know choose Arnica Montana. Also, if you are a woman, and you find that you have a little pain after giving birth (wuss), you might need some Arnica Montana (it may at the least stop your unnecessary whining).

RESPIRATION

• respiration; asthma attack; from fatty degeneration of heart;

Asthma is one thing, but if your heart is a fat degenerate, you might need Arnica Montana.

COUGH

• cough; crying;
• holds self during must hold chest with both hands, while coughing;

If you can parse that last sentence, you might need Arnica Montana. Or we might. Someone does, dammit!

EXPECTORATION

• expectoration; bloody, spitting of blood (see chest haemorrhage);
• mucous; bloody;

Again, if we were hacking up blood, we might visit a physician. But we'd be wrong if we didn't at least bring along our Arnica Montana.

CHEST

• chest; heart; angina pectoris;
• heart; fatty degeneration of heart;
• lungs; haemorrhage (see expectoration);
• pain;
• pain; pressure;
• pain; sore, bruised;
• pain; sore, bruised; from coughing; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; holds chest with hands during cough;
• pain; sore, bruised; on pressing; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; respiration; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; touch; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; breast; nipples; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; region of heart; ;

If you have chest pain related to coronary heart disease, fuck those cardiologists...take some Arnica Montana. The same goes for lung hemorrhaging, but replace "fuck those cardiologists" with "fuck those pulmonary specialists." If you find a bruise on your chest, it's a safe bet that you need Arnica Montana, no matter how you got it.

BACK

• back; pain;
• pain; sore, bruised, beaten;
• pain; sore, bruised, beaten; during shivering; ;
• pain; sore, bruised, beaten; lumbar (lower half of back); ;
• pain; as if sprained; lumbar (lower half of back); ;

If anyone beats your back while you're shivering (with a hot head), that's pretty low. They should at least let you have some of their Arnica Montana. Ask them for some if you sprain your lower back, too.

EXTREMITIES, LIMBS

• extremities, limbs; coldness; upper limbs; hands; with heat; with hot face; ;
• coldness; upper limbs; hands; with heat; with hot head; ;
• injuries; hand; sprain;
• pain; before chill; ;
• pain; rheumatic;
• pain; joints; ;
• pain; joints; gouty;
• pain; joints; paralytic;
• pain; sore, bruised;
• pain; sore, bruised; in contact with bed; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; while lying down; in the limb lain on; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; joints; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; forearm; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; hip; during chill; ;
• pain; as if sprained; joint; ;
• pain; as if sprained; wrist; ;
• pain; as if sprained; ankle; ;
• pain; as if sprained; foot; ;
• pain; stitching, sudden, sharp; fingers; as from splinter;
• skin; bursae (like bags on skin bursae);
• skin; chicken pox (see swelling); lower limbs; ;
• skin; discoloration; hand; blueness;
• skin; out-break on skin; painful;
• weakness; joints; ;

Okay, let's see if we've got this straight. We're back to the hot face thing again, but this time if you have that along with coldness and heat in the limbs or hands (presumably not at the same time), then you might need Arnica Montana. Also, if anything is sprained or bruised or gouty at all, you might need Arnica Montana. Unless, of course, it isn't an extremity, in which case you'll need to go back to one of the other sections to see what remedy might possibly be called for. We can't even begin to imagine what that might be.

SLEEP

• sleep; dreams; animals, insects, beasts; animals;
• dreams; anxious;
• falling awhen answering; ;

Ever have dreams? Are there ever animals in your dreams? Or insects? Or beasts? Or...or...animals? If so, you might need Arnica Montana. We don't know what "falling awhen answering" means, but if you ever do that, you might need some Arnica Montana.

CHILL

• chill;
• evening; ;
• chilliness (see also whole body; temperature);
• chilliness (see also whole body; temperature); slightest movement of the bed-clothes;
• from environment; malarial influences;
• from environment; malarial influences;
• dangerously cold;
• dangerously cold; violent congestion of head, cold body, with thirst, chill felt most in pit of stomach, body feels bruised;
• with fever, but chill predominating;
• shaking, shivering, rigors; with heat;
• shaking, shivering, rigors; with heat; of head;
• at certain time of day or night; from 4 a.m.; ;
• when uncovering, undressing; ;
• on waking; ;
• sensation of cold water; dashed over him;

Feeling chilly? You might need Arnica Montana. Is it evening? You might need Arnica Montana (does that make it fast forward to the night?). Out wandering naked in the Arctic Circle? Forget that parka — reach for the Arnica Montana. Again with the shivering? You already know what to do, don't you? Also, if you get chilly when you strip naked, that's another good reason to take some Arnica Montana.

FEVER

• fever;
• continued small, purple spots; foul breath, says there is nothing the matter with him;
• infectious fevers;
• intense heat;
• intense heat; of the head and face, body cold; ;
• internal heat;
• septic fever (see infectious, continued, from childbirth, etc.);
• with shivering;
• with shivering; from uncovering; ;
• chilliness from uncovering;

Of course, septic fever might only apply to Americans, but if you have it, you might need Arnica Montana. It's also handy to note that there's no need to worry about fevers associated with infectious diseases, as long as you're packing some Arnica Montana. Do you have a body temperature? Apparently, you might need Arnica Montana. The rest of this section seems eerily familiar.

PERSPIRATION

• perspiration; odour; offensive;

Apparently, Arnica Montana can take care of all sorts of offensive odors. If your perspiration is "putrid," though, it can't help you.

SKIN

• skin; discoloration; bluish; spots;
• discoloration; yellow, jaundice, etc.; spots;
• abnormal growths; ulcers; with crawling sensation;
• abnormal growths; ulcers; sensitive;
• out-breaks on boils;
• out-breaks on boils; small;
• out-breaks on painful;
• pain; like bruising;
• becomes sore when lying down; ;

This stuff is starting to repeat, isn't it? Oh, well. You can't be too careful! Jaundice? Bluish spots? You might need Arnica Montana. Crawling ulcers? Forget the fact that ulcers are caused by bacteria — just down some Arnica Montana. And if the Ten Plagues of Egypt strike, grab an umbrella, and some Arnica Montana.

INJURIES AND ACCIDENTS

• injuries and accidents; bruises;
• injuries in general;
• injuries of soft parts; ;
• poisoning; poisoning by quinine;
• shock from injury;

Okay, to sum up — any injury at all calls for Arnica Montana. Next we come to the generalities. Holy fucking hell, does that mean that all of the ones above were supposed to be specific?!

GENERALITIES

• generalities; evening; ;
• night; ;
• blood vessels; varicose veins;
• physical exertion;
• formication (like insects crawling around); external parts; ;
• haemorrhage;
• inflammation; blood vessels; ;
• jar, stepping;
• straining of muscles and tendons, from lifting;
• movement; movement of affected part;
• pain; glands; ;
• pain; pinching;
• pain; pressing; internally; ;
• pain; sore, bruised;
• pain; sore, bruised; externally; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; parts lain on; ;
• pain; sore, bruised; in spots; ;
• pain; sudden, sharp; inward;
• pain; tearing; externally;
• pulse; frequent, accelerated, elevated, exalted, fast, innumerable, rapid;
• sensitive; bed feels hard;
• sensitive; externally; ;
• sensitive; excessive physical irritability;
• nervous shuddering;
• during sleep;
• weakness (see lethargic, weariness);

Uh oh, if you used Arnica Montana to change evening to night (per the earlier list), it looks like you'll need another dose to make it morning. As far as physical exertion, we try to avoid that at all costs, but if you find yourself engaging in physical activity, you might need Arnica Montana. If you strain your muscles while engaging in said physical exertion, you'll already be ahead of the game if you took Arnica Montana to alleviate your exertion in the first place. If you have a pulse of any kind, you might need Arnica Montana. We don't know what an exalted pulse is, but we're pretty sure it has something to do with telephony. So if your phone seems chilly or sore, it might need Arnica Montana. And if you are sensitive or weak at all, you might need Arnica Montana. And what the heck is jar stepping (other than a reason to take Arnica Montana, of course)?

So, basically folks, if you feel any sensations associated with the human condition in any part of your body, or elsewere in the universe, be they positive or negative or putrid or involuntary...you might need Arnica Montana. Remember, these are the indicators for just one particular homeopathic remedy — there are countless other glasses of water and/or sugar pills with countless other fancy names with their own interminable lists of indicators. And, just so you know, this was the short list of indicators. Seriously. Clicking on any of the headers on that page will reveal the expanded list. We just couldn't bring ourselves to type them all out. Just as an example, here's one tiny excerpt from the expanded list concerning sleep-related indicators:

• waking; from dreams; ;
• waking; early;
• waking; frequent; ;
• waking; late; ;
• yawning;
• yawning; before chill; ;
• yawning; without sleepiness;
• yawning; spasmodic;

Yeah, um, we all do all of those things. 'Nuff said, we imagine.

So how do these asshats manage to get away with claiming that a solution of water can cure every ailment under the sun?

Please remember though, this homeopathy materia medica is provided for information only; it is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, nor as a claim for the effectiveness of Arnica Montana in treating any of the symptoms below. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical advice - minor symptoms can often be a sign of a more serious underlying condition.

Hey, we can appreciate a good line of bullshit as much as the next person, but this isn't even well done. It's about as transparent as clear plastic skis. But that won't stop hordes of alties from wasting their money, and possibly jeopardizing their health or the health of their children, by taking these bullshit remedies. We just can't stop laughing at the thought of someone taking this list (or homeopathy itself) seriously; and when you just can't stop laughing, folks...you might need Arnica Montana.

Thanks and apologies go out to Jeff Foxworthy.

I don't know if she should be taking it orally. The versions of Arnica I've seen are entirely TOPICAL because of the internal toxicity. Used THAT way, it does help with skin irritations and the like. I know we have some, but I can't find it to tell you the concentration.

An acquaintance of ours recently underwent some major surgery, and came out of the hospital with some interesting advice from her doctor: she was told she should be taking something called Arnica Montana for her pain. "It's homeopathic!" she declared proudly.

It's just me, but is that scariest thing you ever seen?

We might be worried, if the pills in question actually contained any Arnica Montana. But thanks to the magic of homeopathic preparation, they don't.

I glanced through the list of maladies supposedly helped (though they stress that they're not actually claiming that it does help) by Mountainous Arsica, and I didn't see sheer dumbassedness on the list. I guess some things are incurable.

I've long wanted to market inert caplets prominently labeled "Placebo". I think I could make a fortune, even before I came out with "Extra Strength Placebo" in 500mg caplets and a big red and white bottle.

Did you see an episode of "ER" in which the doctor specifically prescribes some "Obecalp" to a particularly pain-in-the-ass patient? Call it Obecalp XR and most people would think it's real.

That list is simply incredible -- this isn't an herb, it's MAGIC! That's one of the biggest things that makes homeopaths look like fools, and hides any genuine usefulness herbal meds might have -- they routinely say it's good for a zillion things without proving any of them.

As far as I know, there's only one thing that can stop so many very different illnesses ... death. But I doubt they'll use THAT in their ads.

Just... wow. My response, after reading only the symptom list for 'mind' was: yeah, that could be just about everybody. This was before I realised the list went on for 600 miles. Unbelievable.

I will always have a fondness for homeopathy as the funniest of alternative medicines after seeing a doctor attempting to explain how water remembers what substance was previously in solution (from an episode of Critical Eye, hosted by cancerman from the X Files). He said, roughly:

"When we shake the container after dilution, that's kenetic energy, right? The water remembers the same way a pond has ripples from a thrown stone."

I was laughing so hard, I literally had to rewind it three times to catch his entire explanation. And this guy's a doctor? Sad.

Babbler: The fact that a doctor would recommend this useless crap is, in fact, one of the sadder things we've heard in a while. Our friend's eager acceptance of the efficacy of homeopathy is, in comparison, slightly less appalling.

Jason: Yeah, that's one ailment that you'll never see homeopathy claiming to address. If they ever got rid of all of dumbasses, they'd be right out of business.

jay: Hey, we actually remember that episode! The med student had no clue what "Obecalp" was, and got the resident in trouble when she asked an attending what it meant. And we completely agree on the exhaustive-and-therefore-fanciful list of indicators. It always amazes us how stupid these people are. If we were going to make up a fake remedy, we'd be sure to temper the list of ailments our remedy addressed to a more realistic and believable size. After all, if all of these problems are addressed by taking one "medicine," what's to compel the sheep to buy our other concoctions? As a note, if the homeopaths could figure out how to dilute death, we're sure they would bottle it and sell it in their homeopathic boutiques as a cure for death (and bad breath).

Adam: It's absolutely incredible that the alties don't understand how ridiculous their list seems. We had the same feeling you did when we realized that the 600 mile long list wasn't even the full list. Try clicking on one of the headers on their page to see the 6,000 mile long list — it'll blow your mind. And the sad thing is that this isn't at all out of the ordinary for homeopathic claims. We've seen too many examples of lists just like this one. Between the sheer idiocy of lists like this, and the unbelievably transparent "water has a memory" bullshit, it astounds us that anyone can possibly view homeopathy as anything other than a (poorly constructed) joke.

Hey guys, I've got it. The formula for the homeopathic elixir of death. Oh wait, Elixir Of Life, because death is life in homeopathy. Very big brother.

Here's what you do. You take a kitten. Do not masturbate while handling the kitten or god will kill it. Drown the kitten in a pool of water approximately 10x it's body mass. Or drown a bag of kittens for maximum production. Immediately remove the dead kittens so we don't get Elixir of Meat or Elixir of Fur. Now continue on to 30x dilution.

Taken daily you'll live forever. Money back guarantee on any individual bottle that fails to keep you alive.

My understanding of current homeopathic preparations is that they are not generally administered as a liquid.
They (homeopaths) take the final solution and place a drop of it on a sugar pill. You'll really love this next part; they then place that sugar pill into a bottle with other pills and let it sit for a couple of days/weeks, thereby rendering all the bottled pills just as effective as the homeopathically treated one.

About the time my second son was born (almost 16 years ago) was when I heard an explanation of what homeopathy was. Before that I had assumed it was some kind of herbal medicine.

When I heard the description I was appalled.

The description came from a local TV news report that a private college was going to do research on how well homeopathy worked. I thought this was interesting because that small private college was just down the street from me! But after I heard what homeopathy was I decided to look upon the students with a bit more of a jaundiced eye as I took my kids to the playground near their campus (which was then a building rented from the school district).

I have never ever heard what became of that study. Even when I search www.pubmed.gov using the college's name: Bastyr University, http://www.bastyr.edu/ .

Bastyr University has since moved to a bigger campus elsewhere. So it is no longer near me (though it does have a very nice cafeteria). I keep wondering what happened to that "study" of homeopathy.

Glintir: But if god kills the kitten, doesn't that just speed along the process (and, at the very least, give you a more enjoyable experience)? As long as you drop the kitten into the water before you start pulling your taffy, we would imagine that masturbation is A-OK. Check the homeopathic preparation handbook on that one.

Ossai: We heard something like what you're describing, though we haven't seen it documented anywhere. Hey, it makes about as much sense as the traditional homeopathic preparations, so why not? What makes us giggle, though, is that in the solid form you describe, these homeopathic remedies actually are placebos — in the classic sense. It doesn't get any more ironic than that.

HCN: We originally figured that homeopathy was just a close cousin of naturopathy as well. Then when someone explained what it really was, we didn't believe them — we went off and looked into it ourselves. It's just so deeply ridiculous on its face that we still can't imagine how anyone can manage to buy this crap. At least herbal remedies can have actual effects on the human body (though some are useless, most are said to do way more than they ever could, and more than a few are actually harmful). Homeopathy is nothing — you might as well drink a glass of water and wish really hard for your problems to go away. It's staggering.

That bit about drinking a glass of water and wishing really hard for your problems to go away - isn't that Dubya's Mideast policy?

This is awesome. I just wish I had a terse, substantive and well-backed argument whenever I hear someone extol the virtues of homeopathy. It's just so preposterous, I get tongue tied. I used to work for the FDA (as a chemist as part of a team) and I believe the approval process is one with great integrity and based on sound science. So, this crap really irks me. Thanks.