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HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!
2006.07.04 (Tue) 00:49
You'll note that, in the title above, we've capitalized our happy sentiment to our readers. Why? Because we at the Two Percent Company feel that it is imperative that we highlight a growing problem in this country — the attack on Independence Day. For years this insidious movement has been chipping away at the holiday celebrating the United States' independence by popularizing it as "the Fourth of July." Doing so trivilizes the entire basis of the holiday, namely American Independence, and replaces reverence with fireworks and barbeques.
Little by little, the "Fourth of July" name has overtaken the authentic name of the holiday while American patriots have sat helplessly by, wondering what can be done to stop the inexorable march of anti-patriotism. And all the while, so-called "progressive" minds have claimed that there is no attack on Independence Day — "But it really is the fourth of July," they say, pointing to their fancy calendars and their PDAs, and their digital watches with date displays.
Well, we're fed up. Because unlike Christianity, Independence is something that our Founding Fathers actually meant to be an integral part of our country, and we will no longer sit idly by while un-American partygoers, fireworks shysters, and hamburger eaters usurp our holiday. And please don't point out that, just last year, we wished everyone a "Happy Fourth of July" — that's completely beside the point.
What's that you say? You think we're making this all up! Ha! To prove our point, we searched all over the Internet for a full three minutes for golf stores with sales for the upcoming holiday, and what did we find? Not one single golf store advertising an "Independence Day Sale." But we found plenty of "politically correct" and patently offensive ads. Clockwise, from top left, we have below ads from The Golf Warehouse, Van's Golf Shops, and Austad's:
No mention of Independence in any of those ads. And for Van's Golf, calling it a "Fourth of July Sale" apparently wasn't disrespectful enough — to them it's a "Fourth of July Balloon Sale!" Could they trivialize this important holiday any more? They might as well have a Fourth of July Hammer and Sickle Sale! And as far as Austad's is concerned, we should forget two hundred plus years of tradition entirely — it's just a "Sizzle Sale" to them. Unacceptable.
It gets worse, though. West Coast Golf goes even further in their pathetic attempt to cater to today's trendy anti-American activist:
To them, it's just a "Summer Special." But perhaps the worst offender of all was clickgolf.co.uk:
They've ignored the holiday completely, and made up some weird and inexplicable reason to have a sale in their politically correct attempt to be un-American! It's almost as if they don't care about our American Independence at all. It's just plain sick, and we're not afraid to say so.
So, from now on, if we want golf equipment online, we'll go to musicalinstruments.com. No, they don't sell golf gear, but they do proudly display a banner promoting their "Independence Day Sale," and that's good enough for us.
To all our readers, we send out a hearty HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY. And if someone walks up to you and wishes you a "Happy Fourth of July," do what we'd do: take it as the insult it's intended to be, and kneecap them with a pitching ukelele.
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[ Filed under: % Bullshit % Media & Censorship % Religion ]
Michael Bains, 2006.07.04 (Tue) 05:59 [Link] »
Glintir, 2006.07.05 (Wed) 10:12 [Link] »
The Two Percent Company, 2006.07.05 (Wed) 11:17 [Link] »
Glintir, 2006.07.06 (Thu) 13:09 [Link] »
Jason Spicer, 2006.07.11 (Tue) 19:03 [Link] »
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