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See, We Told You That God Didn't Exist
2006.06.05 (Mon) 17:22
Okay, we admit it. When we first heard about this story in The Australian via Pool Guy, we figured it had to be fake. You know, a joke perpetuated by the atheist media to give us a chuckle. But, according to News.com.au, the Washington Post, and the BBC, it is, in fact, true. So, without further ado:
A lion killed a man who climbed into its enclosure at the Kiev zoo, police said Monday.
The lion attacked the 45-year-old Ukrainian late Sunday after he used a rope to climb down into an enclosure with four lions, said police spokesman Volodymyr Polishchuk.
Wow, sounds like a tragic story. Shame on us for laughing. But what the heck was this guy doing climbing into a lion enclosure? Did he work there? Was he saving someone who had fallen in? Retrieving a lost Sno-Cone, perhaps? No, the answer is much more fucking idiotic than all that:
Ukrainian TV channel NTN broadcast interviews with witnesses who said the man told them that he believed God would not allow the lions to hurt him.
See, we told you it sounded like a joke. But it gets better. Er, worse. No, scratch that — better.
"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," a zoo official told Reuters news agency.
"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
Good thing that lioness wasn't distracted by something else, or this guy might have had time to climb out and proclaim proof of God's existence. As it was, though, the lioness was quick to prove him wrong. Hey, at least he took his shoes off first. No need to waste a perfectly good pair of shoes, right?
Is this proof that God doesn't exist? Well, no, of course not. But we've been thinking about this experiment, and we have a suggestion. Maybe all of the radical religiosos should give this a whirl. You know, Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Ray Comfort, Kent Hovind — all of the Bible-humping (not a typo) Christians. And also the militant Islamic radicals. And hey, maybe that dumbass Rabbi Berg from the Kabbalah Center, and Rabbi Avi Shafran, who must surely believe that lions are immoral since they don't believe in God. Then, if less than, say, 25% of them are killed, we'll take a closer look at the whole God thing. Deal?
Oh, and while we're at it, let's get the psychics and the homeopaths in on the action as well.
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[ Filed under: % Bullshit % Religion ]
BigHeathenMike, 2006.06.05 (Mon) 21:17 [Link] »
jay denari, 2006.06.06 (Tue) 15:01 [Link] »
Fan-man, 2006.06.10 (Sat) 22:57 [Link] »
steve, 2006.06.16 (Fri) 10:15 [Link] »
Fan-man, 2006.06.16 (Fri) 22:22 [Link] »
steve, 2006.06.17 (Sat) 10:15 [Link] »
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