If there's a more apt metaphor for a televangelist sucking the life out of the innocent dupes he fleeces, we're not sure what it is. As reported on MSNBC:

A Learjet registered to religious broadcaster Pat Robertson crashed in Long Island Sound while flying in heavy fog Friday, killing both pilots, authorities said. All three passengers escaped without serious injury.

Robertson was not aboard. "I am deeply grieved and my heart reaches out to the families and to the people on the plane," he said in a statement.

Wait...what, no amazing revelation that Gawd must have been looking out for those three survivors? Maybe Pat has finally figured out that such a statement would imply that his Almighty Prick had it in for the two pilots. (We're referring, of course, to his deity, not his penis. Though wouldn't it be awfully telling if Pat did refer to his penis as his "Almighty Prick"?) Wait, wait, wait — what were we thinking? Pat doesn't learn any lessons. Ever. Sorry, our bad.

And by the way, to those folks who are constantly sending Pat their hard-earned and desperately needed money: the man owns a Learjet. He doesn't need your money nearly as much as you do. If you want, just cut out the middleman, get together, and pool your money to buy your own jet to rent out to celebrities. Bonus: you get the rental fees, too, just like that moneygrubbing fuck, Pat Robertson himself!

I'm sure his pilots must've been closet homos. Gawd knew it and spared the passengers.

uhhh... yah. THAT's the ticket!

Satanic, homosexual atheists who used to live in New Orleans and vacation in southeast Asia. They couldn't get away forever!

That kind of 'God answered my payers', 'God saved me (but not the others)' way of rationalising death does my head in. Speaking hypothetically, if I was to lob a hand grenade into a crowd at random, would some divine force rather than chance and the laws of physics decide who survived and who died. Would God have gathered all the sinners together in preparation for the explosion as a handy way of wiping them out? Or would the shrapnel be divinely guided at sinners whilst missing the righteous? Or would sinners and righteous be killed together - as in "Kill them all; God will know his own"?

And Pat Robertson was supposed to be on that plane when I crashed it . . . uh I mean that plane crash was a complete accident.