Hey, kids! Take this handy exam, and you too can embark on a career of (endless, fruitless) searching for Noah's Ark!

Question: Which of the following is Noah's Ark?

A	B
C	D
E	F

Answer: As long as you can find a dozen or so Christians with no marketable skills in any scientific field to agree on the authenticity of your claim, pick whichever one you like. Or pick a pile of firewood. Or an elephant skeleton. Or a bowl of pineapple salsa. Whatever floats your diluvian boat, dude.

You are now fully certified to search for Noah's Ark. Don't believe us? Just check out this list from a Christian Worldview Network article:

Some of America's leading businessmen, an attorney who has argued several cases before the U.S. Supreme Court, and two leading apologists...

No, that's not the cast of a new Gilligan's Island revival; it's the list of utterly unqualified people who just completed the latest in a long series of nonsensical quests to find a fictional (and logically impossible) boat. Next up, this intrepid team of morons will seek out the One Ring, thought to be lost in the cauldron of Mount Doom, which is believed by experts like these to be located in modern day Barbados.

So, kids, ask your parents to pay for your flight to Iran, which seems to be the hip place for Noalogists these days (really, searching Turkey for the Ark is so last decade). We're sure you'll have a great time, and not be shot by militant Islamo-fascists too much. Don't forget your mittens!

I wish Noah would have evicted the snakes. I hate'em. Don't tell me they're necessary too, 'cuz I been to Hawaii and Hawaii is doing just fine without them. Thank you.