Noted asshole Tom DeLay has announced that he will resign his position in the House of Representatives and not seek re-election. Why is he taking this step?

"I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative personal campaign," DeLay said in a video announcement Tuesday, a few hours after news broke of his decision.

...

"My love for the Republican Party has played no small part in this decision," he said.

Riiiiight. That's it. It has nothing to do with the criminal charges he's facing, or his links to Jack Abramoff who pled guilty to corruption charges and is cooperating with the authorities, or the fact that two former DeLay staffers are also cooperating with authorities after pleading guilty to their own charges. He's just a stand up guy lookin' out for his party!

Truth be told, he could say he's leaving in order to spend his life looking for the Loch Ness Monster and that he's been planning this for a decade and it wouldn't make any difference to us. As long as his ass is out the door, we're happy. Sure, the person who takes his place might not be any better than him, but it's admittedly hard to imagine anyone being worse.

So, what is DeLay going to do once his career as a corrupt politician is over?

"It's time to begin opening new chapters and pursuing new opportunities to engage in the important cultural and political battles of our day from outside the arena of the United States House of Representatives," DeLay said.

To help you fight these cultural battles in whatever new arena you land in, here are some tips, Tommy: always use a spotter when bench pressing; when you shiv someone, be sure to break off the handle so they can't remove the blade; and never, ever bend down in the shower to retrieve a bar of soap. Good luck!

I also loved the hypocrisy of Bush's WaPo comments on DeLay's departure: He said DeLay must've found it hard to quit b/c he "loved representing the people of his district" so much. What an unbelievable load of crap. DeLay didn't give a damn about his constituents, just the power he could wield.

He rolled topless young beach girls onto my boobs. He's cumming inside of comforting words that dilemma by.

He rolled topless young beach girls on to your boobs?! How very odd. It's funny how sometimes these SPAM things with the randomly inserted links turn out like naughty MadLibs!