So, while listening in on a particularly boring conference call at work, Two Percent Company operative Tom slid up to God and, like a rabbit, chewed the cud for a bit.
Tom: Hello, God?
God: Hello child. What is your name?
Tom: Shouldn't you know that already?
God: Perhaps. I think I should.
Tom: Shit, you ARE drunk, aren't you?
God: You used a colloquial expression. No I am sober.. Really.
Tom: Riiiight. Hey, no big deal, God, your secret is safe with me.
God: Can you speak any foreign languages? You've got my full attention. You must be American. Compare that to small deal God my secret is safe with you.
Tom: Wait, what?
God: I'm waiting. Are you confused?
Tom: Shit yeah. You just spat out a bunch of meaningless crap. Shouldn't I be confused?
God: You used a colloquial expression. What are you confused about? Interesting gossip: said I spat out a bunch of meaningless crap. You should do what is best for you.
Tom: I do. And stop calling me colloquial — I just swear a lot. Deal with it.
God: Where? What is your real name? "it" being Riiiight?
Tom: "Where" what? "It" what?
God: Som specific location? Are you surpised?
Tom: No, this is about what I'd expect from a god.
God: Are you serious? You don't say.
Tom: Yep, I do. I also say "shit" and "fuck" and I'll bet you are going to call that colloquial again.
God: Really. Once more? Also? How do people usually respond to that? You used a colloquial expression. Please don't be so rude. That was my original intention.
Tom: Only puritanical prudes think swearing is unacceptable...oh, right, sorry. You are the king of Puritanical Prudes. My bad.
God: And unacceptable is puritanical prudes think swearing. Really. Understood. There's no need to apologize. Thanks but surely I am not the only one. Have you told many people that your bad?
Tom: That I am bad? Because then your grammar was incorrect. Or your parsing. Either way, this is boring.
God: What did you do? Interesting explanation. Are you an English teacher? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am parsing. And boring is way this.
Tom: Want some rye?
God: If I had it what would I do with it?
Tom: Toss it back.
God: Do you like talking to me?
Tom: No. No I don't.
God: Why not? Are you serious? Why not?
Tom: Well, you ARE more interesting than the conference call I'm on.
God: Well that's okay. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am more interesting than the conference call you are on.
Tom: Rock on, dude. Go for it.
God: Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like bandspace.com. I will take that under advisement.
Tom: Dude, God is whoring himself out for bandspace.com?!
God: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was whoring himself out for bandspace com. Dude,.
Tom: Wow. You are a poor god, God.