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WorldNetDaily: Miracles Save 3,000 Lives Every 25 Minutes!
2005.05.05 (Thu) 20:56
We know, we know — fisking WorldNetDaily articles is like shooting fish in a barrel. Really stupid, slow fish. In a really small barrel. Using a grenade launcher. But sometimes, we just can't help it.
We learned today that Christianity is the fastest growing religion in the world. And not just any Christianity — the nutbag evangelical kind. From the article, about "Megashift," a book that our WND buddies are hawking:
"The growing core of Christianity crosses theological lines and includes 707 million born-again people who are increasing by 8 percent a year," [Megashift author Jim Rutz] says.
So fast is this group growing that, under current trends, according to Rutz, the entire world will be composed of such believers by the year 2032.
And what is driving this movement?
Miracles, he says.
"Megashift" attempts to document myriad healings and other powerful answers to the sincere prayers of this new category of believer, including, believe it or not, hundreds of dramatic cases of resurrections — not near-death experiences, but real resurrections of actual corpses.
"When I was a kid in Sunday school, I was really impressed that 3,000 people were saved on the Day of Pentecost," he writes. "I thought, 'Wow, that'll never happen again!"
But, Rutz says, it now happens around the globe every 25 minutes.
No shit! You'd think that thousands of people's lives being saved by divine miracles every 25 minutes would, you know, make the news. Maybe not all of them, but you figure the big ones would be on at least daytime news shows. Oh, and the resurrections since, you know, those are pretty amazing when they happen. Unless Michael Jackson, the Pope, and that bug-eyed, idiot runaway bride story are just usurping all the air time. Hey, those stories are real news.
Now, we don't know if the 25 minute metric was supposed to signify the occurence of a "3,000 lives saved" type miracle, or if the "research" just pointed to any old miracle happening every 25 minutes, but either way, that's pretty precise. We're almost sorry that we won't be dropping $19.95 to view the ironclad case and rocksolid data in this incredible book.
Of course, when approximately 90% of your readers (we are assuming that they can read, which may be a stretch) believe in miracles already, peddling this kind of utter nonsense probably goes over about as well as tossing gay people to the lions would — a regular crowd pleaser. But then, what do you expect from a "news source" in which five out six of their "exclusive" stories are about Ann Coulter? (The sixth, by the way, was just a plug for their shitty books and pamphlets. But then again, aren't all of their articles just hyped-up sales pitches?)
Speaking of articles-turned-sales-pitches, we couldn't resist throwing in a mention of this one other article, at absolutely no charge to you, the reader. According to "reliable sources" who made a DVD that the WorldNetDaily is peddling:
Not only has Mel Gibson's film "The Passion of the Christ" powerfully affected the faith of millions of viewers, but according to a new documentary by an Emmy-award-winning news veteran, it has also been instrumental in bringing about real miracles.
"Changed Lives: Miracles of The Passion" is a 1-hour program that captures, in their own words, people's inspiring and documented accounts of relationships restored, diseases healed, the dead resurrected, atheists coming to faith and even a confession to murder.
"It is truly unprecedented the way God has used 'The Passion' to bring healing, reconciliation and peace to people across the nation and around the globe," says Executive Producer Jody Eldred.
Best of all, "Changed Lives: Miracles of the Passion" is being made available at a very low price — only $14.95 — so that everyone can afford a copy of this remarkable DVD. (At that price, it also makes a perfect gift for friends and loved ones.)
Okay, hold the phone. Diseases healed and relationships restored we can believe. And the resurrections we already established in that "Megashift" book, so that must be true. But atheists coming to faith?! Now that's just crazy talk!
If only there weren't so many idiots out there who believed this bullshit, then we could keep laughing without the desire to plant our faces in our palms.
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[ Filed under: % Religion ]
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