Last month, we posted a quick Rant regarding Eugene Mirman's hilarious (and scary) telemarketing recordings of Christian phone company UAT. We just want to say "Congratulations!" to Eugene on making this evening's ABC news lineup, and "Nice that you finally caught up with the rest of us (nearly a month later)!" to the ABC news team. They even played some of Eugene's recordings, including the extremely amusing "You and I will destroy the gay lifestyle" track. Man, just add Darth Vader's raspy breathing to that, and it'll be a classic.

Hey, Eugene — when's your Greatest Hits box set coming out?

Sadly, ABC News didn't bother to call out UAT for their unbelievably unethical bullshit. Instead, they tried to just report the news in a "balanced" way. ABC, here's a clue: "balanced" isn't the same thing as "hopelessly obtuse." But we'll let our readers be the judge. Here are some excerpts from UAT's calls:

UAT: No. Such as AT&T, what they do...

MIRMAN: AT&T sells sex favors?

UAT: No, no. What it is is they own the Hot Network, which is a hardcore pornography channel ... They also give millions of dollars to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance group.

(AT&T actually has sold its division that owned the Hot Network, but [UAT consultant Carl] Thompson says that's immaterial since the company still makes money off phone sex calls.)

Yeah, Carl, that makes a blatant lie about your competitor A-OK. You know, AT&T also collects per minute fees for extortion calls and ransom demands, and so will you if you sign up their customers. Moron.

MIRMAN: AT&T sponsors child pornography?

UAT: No, no. That's MCI.

MIRMAN: MCI sponsors hardcore child pornography?

UAT: Yes, they have a pedophile Web site for men who love boys. Uh, it's a Montreal-based Web site.

...

MIRMAN: So MCI basically has a child pornography ring.

UAT: That's correct.

Once again, UAT is peddling a blatant lie by saying that MCI sponsors a child pornography ring. Wonderful. What if we said that UAT sponsors homosexual, underage, bestiality parties in their corporate office every other Friday (hey, we read it on the internet)? Assuming for a moment that they don't engage in gay pedophiliac horse love, should this kind of blatant lie be considered an acceptable advertising approach? That aside, we can truthfully say that UAT sponsors a campaign of lying and bigotry in an effort to make a buck. Here's one more exerpt that sums it up pretty nicely.

MIRMAN: Basically God hates AT&T, MCI, and Verizon.

UAT: (pause) Yes. And, Mr. Mirman, do you make a lot of long distance calls or just a few every month?

We don't know which is worse — the fucking hypocritical hate mongers at UAT, or the fucking morons who actually buy into their hateful bullshit. They're both pretty pathetic.