We have so little to say about the circus freakshow currently whirling around the most circus-y freak of them all, former "King o' Pop" Michael Jackson. As with the non-stop dead pope coverage and the more recent (and even more boring) runaway bride media blitz, it's just more fucking fluff, the inevitable result when you have 24-hour news networks with far too much time to fill, and not enough research staff (apparently) to get actual news to fill it.

But we would like to address the sheer absurdity that is the defense's rationale in the Jackson case. Today, grown up child actor Macaulay Culkin testified for the defense. Culkin is the third young man, joining previous witnesses Wade Robson and Brett Barnes in relating extremely similar testimony. From ABCnews.com:

In dramatic testimony to open Jackson's defense case, both Wade Robson and Brett Barnes said they remained friends with the 46-year-old entertainer with whom they had shared a bed on countless occasions at his Neverland Valley Ranch.

"Did Mr. Jackson ever molest you at any time?" lead defense attorney Tom Mesereau asked Robson, a 22-year-old choreographer and former child dance prodigy who has worked with Britney Spears.

"Absolutely not," Robson responded.

"Did Mr. Jackson ever touch you in a sexual way?" Mesereau asked. "No, never," Robson said.

Okay, guys. We're going to, in good faith, accept your testimony as the truth (whether or not it actually is). But these witnesses, the defense team, millions of fans and Michael Jackson himself are all missing the point entirely.

Is he innocent of the molestation charges? Maybe. But at what point did it become appropriate for a child to sleep in the same bed with an adult male to whom the child is not related? Is it a crime? No, not in and of itself. But is it appropriate? Not in the least.

Hell, we at the Two Percent Company would find it far more than a little bit, er, uncomfortable sharing a bed with our nieces or nephews, with whom we share very close relationships, both genetic and personal. On what Bizarro world have we landed, where it is suddenly just fine for a man to sleep with random children, even if he's not molesting them — just because he's rich and famous?

And make no mistake about it; the "excuses" for Michael Jackson are based solely on his wealth and fame. On Real Time with Bill Maher a couple of months ago, they ran a quick comedy sketch portraying the exact same circumstance — a man asking parents to let their kids come over to his place to play games and sleep with him, with no hint of sexual activity — but the man in question was, to put it bluntly, a nobody. Go ahead and read the transcript of the sketch, and then tell us if you still believe that Jackson's "excuses" aren't entirely due to the fact that he's rich and famous.

Bottom lining it here, people: whether or not Jackson's behavior was in any way sexual towards these children, something "inappropriate" was going on — even if the starry-eyed victims and their parents refuse to acknowledge it.

Typically, Trey Parker and Matt Stone can give you a definitive statement on bullshit like this:

Kyle: All right, let's just say all the bad things said about Mr. Jefferson [Michael Jackson in disguise] are lies! Let's say the police department does just go around spending their time framing people for crimes they didn't commit! ... Let's say it's all made up, and Mr. Jefferson is just a nice guy who's trying to be a child because he never got to have a childhood. Well that's fine, except for that he HAS children now! And when people have children, they have to grow up!

There you have it. Fucking grow up, Michael.